During all those years in school and college, we’ve shared rooms with crazy/nerdy/boring people. We liked some of them, were disgusted by some, and hated some. If you share a room with someone and are in mood to make them go crazy. Here are some 50 ways to confuse, annoy or just bamboozle your roommate:
1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become asubgenius.
7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn tolevitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns tolook, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move your roommate’s personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, “They’re more than meets the eye.”
14. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. “The Road Warrior,” “Repo Man, “Casablanca,”) almost inaudibly.
15. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian Arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
16. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
17. Chain yourself to your roommate’s bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
19. Ask your roommate if your family can move in “just for a couple of weeks.”
20. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come,pretend nothing happened.
22. Eat glass.
23. Smoke ballpoint pens.
24. Smile. All the time.
25. Collect dog shit in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
26. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
27. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
28. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate’s desk. Include a list of grievances.
29. Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.
30. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
31. Dye all your underwear lime green.
32. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
33. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
34. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate’s closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
35. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate’s parents (postage due).
36. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
37. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
38. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
39. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
40. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with “Didja ever wonder why…” Be creative.
41. Shave one eyebrow.
42. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter “Gotta save space,” twenty times while twitching violently.
43. Put horseradish in your shoes.
44. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall.Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
45. Always flush the toilet three times.
46. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
47. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic’s “Pennsylvania Polka,” and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it’s an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
48. Give him/her an allowance.
49. Listen to radio static.
50. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
Still Having Roommate Problems? Try These.
51. Cry a lot.
52. Send secret admirer notes on your roommate’s blitzmail.
53. Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave the baggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If he/she walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously.
54. Paste used kleenexes to his/her walls.
55. Whenever your roomate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.
56. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
57. Put pornos under his/her bed. Whenever someone comes to visit your roommate when they’re not home, show them the magazines.
58. Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed . . . do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out . . . use this method to fall asleep every night for a month.
59. If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.
60. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.
61. Whenever he/she goes to shower, drop whatever you’re doing, grab a towel, and go shower too.
62. Find out your roommate’s post office box code. Open it and take his/her mail. Do this for one month. After that, send the mail to him/her by UPS.
63. Collect all of your pencil shavings and sprinkle them on the floor.
64. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like you’re holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your roommate.
65. Call safety & security whenever your roommate turns up his/her music.
66. Follow him/her around on weekends.
67. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
68. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
69. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
70. Take his/her underwear. Wear it.
71. Whenever your roommate is walking through the room, bump into him/her.
72. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don’t say anything, just stare.
73.Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can’t remember who it was.
74. Let mice loose in his/her room.
75. Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can’t answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you don’t trust your ceiling.
76. Take your roommate’s papers and hand them in as your own.
77. Skip to the bathroom.
78. Take all of your roommate’s furniture and build a fort. Guard the fort for an entire weekend.
79. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foilage.
80.When you walk into your room, turn off your lights. Turn them on when you leave.
81.Print up satanic signs and leave them in your room where he/she can find them.
82.Whenever you’re on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up immediately without saying anything and crawl under your desk. Sit there for two minutes than call whoever it was back.
83.Insist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceiling above your bed. Sing them every night before you go to bed.
84. Use a bible as kleenex. Yell at your roommate if they say Jesus or God Damnit.
85. Burn incense.
86. Eat moths.
87. Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. Name one after your roommate. Announce the next day that that one died. Name another one after your roommate. The next day say that it died. Keep this up until they all die.
88. Collect Chia-Pets.
89. Refuse to communicate in anything but sign language.
90. Eat a bag of marshmellows before you go to bed. The next day, spray three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
91. Wipe deoderant all over your roommate’s walls.
92. If you know that he/she is in the room, come barging in out of breath. Ask if they saw a fat bald naked Tibetan man run through carrying a hundred dollar bill. Run back out swearing.
93. Leave apple cores on his/her bed.
94. Keep feces in your fridge. Complain that there is never anything to eat.
95. Piss in a jar and leave it by your bed. When your roommate isn’t looking, replace it with a jar of apple juice. Wait until your roommate turns around. Drink it.
96. Don’t ever flush.
97. Buy an inflatable doll. Sleep with it.
98. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, “You shouldn’t have done that to me.”
99. Lick him/her while they are asleep.
100. Dress in drag.
Does Your Roommate Still Not Get The Idea? A Few More Ideas..
101. Buy Lays potato chips with all your money. Stack the bags in the middle of the room in a pyramid. Eat them whenever your roommate is in the room. For every one you eat, offer your roommate one, each time telling him, “No one can eat just one.”
102. Wear no clothes in the room except a cowboy hat.
103. Lay in the middle of the room and chant to pagan gods.
104. Plant grass in the carpet and scream at your roommate every time he/she takes a step in the room. Put up a ‘please don’t walk on the grass’ sign.
105. Give your roommate’s clothes to the Salvation Army.
106. Pretend to shower often but only wash your hair in the sink. See how long it takes your roommate to notice.
107. Read lots of science fiction and begin to act as though you think your roommate is an alien in disguise. Jump on him/her and try to rip off the humanoid mask the alien is wearing.
108. Invite a homeless person to live in your room and sleep in your roommate’s bed.
109. Set off the smoke alarm in your room and tell the fire department your roommate was smoking.
110. Become your own twin brother and tell your roommate that you and your brother never appear in the same place at once. Tell your roommate the same thing again after leaving and coming back into the room.
111. Sleep face down under your mattress on a bunkbed and stare at your roommate all night through the springs.
112. Wear ammonia as a cologne.
113. Whenever your roommate goes to sleep, wake up.
114. Whenever your roommate wakes up, go to sleep.
115. Have really weird friends who have strange loud conversations. Whenever your roommate walks in, you all be quiet and stare at him/her until he/she leaves.
116. Mount a wall-sized mirror on your wall and then ask your roommate not to look at it because demonic forces from the other side will escape into this world if he/she does.
117. Build an antfarm. Let your ants have “jailbreaks”. Then ask your roommate to help you hunt down all the renegade ants.
118. Wear nothing but tightie-whities whenever your roommate has guests.
119. Nail boards across your window. When your roommate asks why, tell him you know they’re all watching you.
120. Start a scab collection. Keep it in a locked glass case on your desk. Tell your roommate that you know s/he was looking for the key.
121. Leave kleenexes dipped in mayonnaise on the floor. Tell guests that your roommate is disgusting and show them.
122. Start a neo-christian cult. Hold nightly candle-lit rituals in your room with your followers.
123. Begin to accumulate a used gum ball. Weigh it every day. Accuse your roommate of stealing gum.
124. Throw blood on your roommate when s/he is wearing a coat and shout “animal killer”.
125. Get a friend to leave a message on the phone with your roommate for you saying the test results came back positive. When your roommate tells you, cough, faint, and then refuse to discuss it.
126. Laugh a lot in the morning. Tell your roommate to be happy all the time.
127. Put no-doze pills in your roommate’s drinks.
128. Set your alarm clock for three o’clock. Push the doze button every 5 minutes when it beeps for the next five hours, each time telling your roommate that you’ll wake up in five minutes.
129. Get your roommate’s social security number. Call the registrar and switch all of his/her classes. Tell your roommate at the end of the term that the Philosophical Environmental Anthropology exam is supposed to be really hard. Wish him/her luck.
130. Play Dungeons & Dragons all the time. Tell your roommate to obey you because you are the Dungeon Master. Attack invisible dragons with a cardboard sword.
131. Make a voodoo doll of your roommate. Kill it.
132. Learn the words to all your roommate’s favorite songs. Sing along.
133. Learn to play an accordian.
134. Make a contract with the mafia to kill your roommate. This is very annoying.
135. Build a snowman out of big balls of toilet paper. Throw water on it and begin to cry that the snowman is melting.
136. Put vaseline on everything. Tell your roommate that you were just trying to “loosen up” the room.
137. Tell your roommate on a daily basis that he/she is projecting negative karma.
138. Whenever your roommate gets clothes back from the laundry, hide them. Then wear some every day until you have removed all the stolen clothes from hiding and they are all now dirty. Ask your roommate to wash them again.
139. Learn a lot of quotations. Whenever you talk to your roommate, say nothing but quotes for three weeks.
140. Adopt an iguana. Collect the skin peelings. Give them to your roommate as a peace offerring from Peter (the iguana).
141. Bring several dogs to your room. Hold conversations with them whenever your roommate comes in. If he complains, tell him he is being prejudiced on the basis of your friends’ species. Call him/her a bigot.
142. Sign up your roommate for all the radical organizations on campus. If they call, tell them s/he is very interested in and in favor of their cause.
143. Buy seven different colored yo-yo’s. Practice with them seven hours a day, alternating yo-yo’s on the hour.
144. Create an animal cemetary in your floor. Hold memorial services. If your roommate complains, tell him/her that s/he has no respect for the dead.
145. When your roommate is typing, type on your keyboard in synchronazation.
146. Become a Trekkie. Talk to your communicator. Tell Scottie to beam you up and run quickly from the room. If your roommate asks, tell him “Dammit, Jim, I’m just a doctor!”
147. Buy forty two-liter bottles of generic soda. Dump out one bottle. Every time you drink a bottle, piss in the empty one. Do so until you have thirty-nine bottles of urine. Complain to your roommate that generic soda tastes awful.
148. Order five anchovy pizzas for your roommate. When the deliverer arrives, tell them that your roommate likes to play jokes on the pizza place and then your roommate lies about his/her ordering. Tell them where he/she is.
149. Put in your contacts when you go to bed. Scream in agony as you rip them from your bloody eyelids in the morning. Put them in again that night. Complain to your roommate that you just can’t see a damned thing anymore.
150. Become a hippie. Wear sandals, long hair, a bandana, and a lot of medallions. Crunch granola. Hold a sixties revival peace festival in your room with a lot of other hippies. If your roommate complains, tell him to “just chill out, dude.”
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